My last entry was a little depressing, but that's where I was at the time.  Around this time of the year I reflect on the lives that have passed on and I get a little down.  Sometimes I get really down.

I still find it quite difficult to celebrate when so many have passed on at such young ages without contributing all they had to offer this great, vast world.  Then I took the time to realize, if they touched me so deeply, maybe one life touched is just enough.  I want to take this moment to thank those who have passed and touched my life.  Those who are gone, that I have actually met and those that I haven't had the pleasure.  You're life ment something to me and you will always be remembered. 

I pray that I have touched others in some significant way as well.  I will keep moving forward and continue to touch others as those who have passed and those who are living have touched me. 

Dinky, Ms. Louise, Mrs. Cunningham, Mr, Phillips, Mrs. Thompson, my mother, my Grandmother, my Grandfather, my uncles, my aunts, my Father, my son, Anika Ervin, Tonya Jones, Calvin Lamont Avery, Martin Luther King, Malcom X, Medgar Evers, Mrs. Rosa Parks, Tupac Shakur, Biggie Smalls, Lauryn Hill, Stephanie Mills, Bernie Mac, Isaac Hayes, Barry White, Mary J. Blige, my sister Keena Norris, My son AaRon Graham, Barack Obama, Jeep Dog, Hey OK, Hummingbird, M-Auwal Gene III, and many others.  Thank each and every one of you for being a part of who I am.  I take this time to dedicate my appreciation to you.  You are all strong and positive in your own way.

I also take this time to thank myself for recognizing these people and many more for adding to the person I am.  God has blessed my life with your influence.  For that I am very grateful.

I don't really think that anyone will read this.  I'm not sure that there is anyone left who will actually care.  If you do care then I've underestimated you and for that I apologize.  If you don't care, don't feel bad you're in really good company.

I know that what I wrote above sounds bad but sometimes the truth is the truth and we can make no more of it.

My heart is pounding and head is throbbing in pain.  It's getting closer and closer to Christmas and I'm finding it harder and harder to hold my composure.  I want to scream, cry, beg and plead; but I don't because none of those things will do me any good.  I make plans and I follow through, yet I am always just short of the goal I was trying to reach.

I'm getting weaker every day.  My heart literally giving up on me.  I feel how much weaker it is every day.  Oxygen tanks look to be a permenant fixture in my life and love looking to be less and less a possiblitiy.  I am not a happy and I know that my past has paved this deserted road for my future.

I think this will be my last blog entry here.  I want to thank each and everyone of you who have made me feel wanted and appreciated.  I want to apologize for the burden I have been to those who have stuck by me when no one else seemed to care.  My constant positive outlook on life and the potential there in, is now diminished and reduced to such a minute piece of matter that I can't see the rim of happiness anymore. 

Good night and good day. Until things change.

Here is a riddle that a friend of mine asked me and some others.  Each time we did this we got different answers, and I want to see what you guys come up with.  Here it goes:

There are seven men
Each man has seven bags
Each bag has seven cats
Each cat has seven kittens

How many legs are there?

This is just a little something fun.  Please post a response so we can see what your answers are.  Have fun everyone.

The best way to celebrate peace is to define it and then create. Short and simple.  Once this is done, then you share it with others.  So far it hasn't been done, I look forward to a day when it becomes a reality instead of something we ponder wondering what it is and if it really exists?

All the kings horses and all the kings men couldn't put humpty together again. And so on, and so on.  That's where this country is right now.  Bush has put us in such a position that to get out of it we are going to need some serious conflict resolution.

The rich are buying bigger instead of helping those who are struggling.  To some people that may seem like I want the rich to pay for the rest of us, but that's not true.  I want the rich to spend their money responsibily, and take into consideration that maybe it's not necessary to for two people to live in a house that is big enough for 10 people to live with room left over.  That doesn't make since to me.

The reality of it is this.  This country has gone to the dollar and forgotten about it's people.  How can we move forward when we keep sending our money, jobs, and educated people to other countries.  Our schools are suffering to the point that some schools don't have the resources to provide books to all of it's students, there are student's who are not being offered tutoring when they would clearly benefit from it, and our young people are losing their incentive to try to be their best.

How are we going to make things better. Lambs are leading lions.  Lambs are leading lions. Lambs are leading lions and our country is losing the real war. The civil war of ignorance that is growing and spreading among our youth. All is not well, and change is well overdue.

What will you do to make a difference?  Will you vote, will you volunteer, will you stand up and speak up for those lions who are running wild without a voice? Or will you continue to wait for someone else to stand up for you?  "Fantasy is what we want, but Reality is what we need" -Lauryn Hill

Food for thought, and words to unburden the conscience.

Applause all the way around.  Poetry is one of the building blocks of society.  Without it many era's would have been without a way to express themselves.  Poetry:

Caressing, smoothing the edges
Showing the world my emotions without overload,
Bringing my thoughts from a cloud of haze
into a vivid picture clear of the maze.

How can we slide through this world
Not having the rhythm that builds as we
count our woes and weigh our prose
Preying on those who oppose.

Poetry never the same
giving us a place to share without shame
How can we dare to live without
The spirit in words spoken and let out.

Pen, pencil, paper and thought
swaying and collecting for them who not
only believe but disbelieve all at once
A musical debate from my soul, red hot.

I was listening to my Lauryn Hill CD, and she made a statement that has sparked a flame in me.  So I decided to share it with you.

"Fantasy is what people want and reality is what they need.  " 

Short and sweet, but it says everything that needs to be said. What do you think?

"Fantasy is what people want and reality is what they need.  " 

Keeping that in mind, I would like to take this opportunity to say rest in peace Mr. Bernie Mac.  He was a comedian who always based his comedy on real life issues.  In one of his sets, he told the audience to not be mad at what he was saying because he was only saying out loud what they were thinking and scared to say.

He was right.  He will be missed.

It's been a while and life has continued to move forward for me.  Some of it has been good and some of it has been bad. Some of it has just been...(when you figure it out let me know).  How is it possible that a man can help create a child as wonderful as my son and not do everything possible to make sure that child has what he needs?

I continue to struggle as a single mother; bills keep coming, money keeps shrinking, and food costs more the healthier your try to eat.  I can't believe how much harder it is to live each year that goes by.  I keep hearing that to lose wait I have to eat more healthy foods; then I go to the grocery store and the choices I have for the money I have to make last is ridiculous.  How do I eat healthy when organic foods cost so much more than the other choices and fresh vegetables cost more than canned frozen and processed vegetables.  Chicken cost more than the pork that raises my blood pressure, beef is outrageous, and frankly I am tired of wrestling with what is good and what's not. 

I thank God for friends like Auwal, Anika, Tonya, and my son AaRon who make each day bearable.

Bills, bills, bills, and more bills. Let's not even get into this presidential campaign.  Change is good...sometimes; and sometimes too much change without guidance can do more harm than good.  I am looking forward to seeing what comes of this election in November and what happens afterward.  Bush has really stuck into a situation where any money our economy creates is shipped to another country.  When will we start to heal some of the pain and suffering in our own country and then branch to share what has worked for us.  We still have homelessness, extreme destructive addictions, and people living on drugs to tell them that they are happy and that crying is wrong.  What has happened.  Everyone is in such a hurry to get to the next thing they don't take time to enjoy what they have or the journey that brings them closer to their goals.   In the mean time, we are losing our minds, spirituality, and dreams for a better future.

There's a question for you all,  what happens when we finally turn into a country that is afraid to dream for the future.  What then?

Well, it's me again. One more year and a lot has happened to, for, and with me.  Another year on this Earth and I'm still alive.  (My mom thought I would have departed this uncompromising World well before my thirtieth birthday and here I am at thirty and three).

Another year older, another year more seasoned in the ways of life.  What do I have to show for those years?  Love, friendship, faith, a wonderful son (who constantly surprises me with how gracefully he meanuevors through rough times) and a sense of humor that has saved me from many pit falls thoughout my life.

Thank you all for any and all comments made to my blog entries, and thank you for encouraging me to be a part of this community. Thank you to those special ones who have taken a personal interest in my successes and also to those who have allowed me to cry on virtual shoulders that have been so strong that my life without them would have been very lonely indeed.

Each year contains something new and this next year will be no different.  So I take this opportunity to ask you all to bare with me and continue to be yourselves as I will continue to be me.  I can only be Me, it's all I know and it's what I feel the best about. 

On this Birthday I take a little time out of my insomnia haze to ask that God keep each and every one of you safe and lead you to what will make you happy. Then I ask that when you get to that place of happiness, please recognize it and enjoy.  I would hate to think I wasted a wish (wink). 

God thank you for leading me this far, even though I have definitely tried to take another path, thank you for your patience with me and keeping me close as I struggled.  You kept me in your arms when I was at my worst and you held me high to celebrate my best. You gave me Love when others made me feel small and weak. You showed me that the Me inside would always be the best me and should never hide. 

Here I am the best Me, for all to see whether they embrace me or not. My arms remain open to welcome those who need it, want it, have searched and couldn't find it. For those who think they don't deserve Love, I say you do. Except it and get on with the journey waiting for you. 

Happy May 7th to all.....................Happy Anniversary God  may we continue on until the finish line. (smile)